This can be really annoying sometimes. I just lost a post because blogger can't keep their servers stable. Reader's digest version: I had a dream, I've got great friends, and I'm really happy. It was more elegant than my writing tends to be, too. I was proud of it. S'est la vie.

I've been trying with some limited success to figure out exactly how this summer is going to pan out. I am consistently reminded that the people whom I consider my dearest friends also make up the most politically complex group I've known to this day. I am also reluctantly reminded that I play as large a part in the politics as any other, to my
dismay, and also to my relief that perhaps all politics are not malicious. Regardless, there are several interesting scenarious poised to unravel.

I miss all those friends who aren't local anymore.

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But now are...

Odd that today of all days I should realize that blogger missed the update of that last post. I'm upset. I don't know particularly why. Maybe it's the chemical imbalance that has eaten away at my father's life and is preparing to do so to my own. Maybe I'm paranoid and simply weak. Maybe I'm right. I feel useless. Nothing I can do seems to have a positive effect on anyone. I hate the idea of being peripheral. Tricky statement, given that I've been peripheral for my entire life. Never in this brief existence have I been truly important to another person. I am always there to rationalize the truly loved one, or hopelessly fill the void left by the person a friend really wishes were there. I would die to make a difference. Few would notice. The sad thing is I've always felt unimportant, but I've always tried as hard as I could, maintained my role as long as possible. I have not one moment begrudged my efforts. I'm getting tired. I'll take a break and do it again. Few will notice.