I was going to say "I wish it wasn't all my fault," but I forgot to go back and post. Happy Birthday to Jill, and thanks for the kick-start (I might never have posted again, and wouldn't that have been a tragedy =P ).

What's new? Never, ever assume your own superiority. Never assume that you have power over a person. Do not strive to manipulate. I'm sick and tired of people knowing so much about their friends (and not-quite friends) that they no longer have to pay attention. Confidence does us favors sometimes, letting us do things we might have been too frightened (read 'smart') to try. Mostly, though, it just blinds us to the truth.

So of course I'm upset again, but it's a very dead disturbance. I think my list of friends is one shorter than I had thought. This betrayal, if that's not too strong a term, is like being stabbed in a numb limb. I know it should hurt, but I'm too curious as to why I've been stabbed to really care. The damage is in not understanding.

Again i find myself posting two days after going to the beach. Odd pattern. I got burned again, sinister slow and without a mark.

I looked up to the sky one night
and saw a star so bright it blinded me,
and left me desperately
pining for my sight.

As time dragged on my sight returned,
yet even though they burned, my memories,
visions of starfire ease
the pain from what I learned.

I know it's pretty straightforward, but the first half of that stupid little poem is about how much the truth hurts, how much it burns. The meaning of the second half is that the truth itself makes up for the pain of learning. What's not in the poem, what I've never been able to decide upon, is whether the narrator was better off before or after. Was I better off before paranoia made me look up for reassurance?

If you come up with the right answer, tell me. I'll give you a cookie.

Of course, there's no frame of reference for the question. It's purely philosophical. The right answer is the one that gets me thinking. If you think of something try me out, there might be a cookie in it for you.

Sorry Jill, I've already told you all the gossip I have to give. Do with it what you will. If anything happens, I'll be the first to tell you, if you're actually there when I am. Once more, Happy Birthday, and I hope to see you soon.

To everyone else, if I didn't trust you, I wouldn't be here anymore. That's all the truth you get for free, so rely on it.